9/19/17

Pay TV, 1955 - How will this work?

As early as 1955, Americans were trying to figure out how to get people to pay for television. You maybe didn't know that till just now, but can you really be surprised? As soon as there was a TV in every living room in the country, of course someone was trying to figure out how to put a coin box on it.

This article is from the October 1955 issue of Popular Science, and people were understandably pissed at the idea of paying for TV. Please enjoy this outline of the proposed janky and complicated methods to deliver programming to the consumer for money, using 1955 technology (wires, gears, magnets, and levers, pretty much).

These images are the Maximum-allowed-by-Blogger 1600 px tall. Click it to big it, baby.



9/15/17

Dexter Shoes, 1970 - That's funky?

Yeah! Groovy! The Seventies! Everybody's getting funky! What's that mean? Who cares? Maybe we can use it to sell our very ordinary looking shoes? Yeah! Funkytime! You know! Frank Zappa! Freedom! Rebellion! Flared trousers! Shoes your banker might wear! Lazy marketing!


This ad was scanned from the November, 1970 issue of Esquire Magazine, the journal of the well-heeled American douchebag. And, in 1970, the fancy prick-about-town was interested in appearing "down with the movement". As any hyper-groovy member of the counter-culture would tell you, the supreme arbiter of truly funky togs is the advertising manager of Esquire, Inc.

So, uuh, these shoes are "funky" - at least they are on the Dexter scale, which is a measurement of  a shoe's funkiness measuring anywhere from zero to zero and a half. On the Dexter scale of funkiness, they're burying the needle. But that's what marketing does. Take whatever the latest fad is, stick it on your product and pretend you're "with it".

You want to see funky shoes? Look no further than Bootsy Collins, bass player for Parliament Funkadelic. Dexter, take notes. if you're going to invoke the name of funk, you'd better have your shoe-shaped house in order.
Boom. Funk complete.
Let's re-do the Dexter ad with more appropriate images, as befits the Dexter scale of funkiness. Phil Are GO! Graphic Blandishment and Photoshoppery Brigade, give up the funk, because weeee love the funk!

Yeah, man! Fun-keeee! By Dexter! Whoa, bay-beh.




9/14/17

Maritime Disaster Songbook


9/13/17

The arm hose box test.



Joke #1 - Test one, session forty-three. Sexual attraction detector still seems to be non-functional. Will try re-attaching sensor with wires reversed to see if result changes.

Joke #2 - It always made Sandra feel good to stop by the Red Cross to donate a box of blood.

Joke #3 - Winston's card tricks were getting tediously complicated.

Joke #4 - "Nope. It's the two of clubs. Looks like we draw another pint. Jeez, you're getting bad at this."

Joke #5 - Magic, The Gathering did not start out as such a simple game.

Joke #6 - "I see your pint and raise you a teaspoon."

Joke #7 - "Wups! I sneezed in the box. I'll have to throw this one out, too. I hope you've got another pint in you. I really need a better way of storing blood, huh?"

Joke #8 - "That's strange. These readings indicate you're annoyed and want to go home."

Joke #9 - "Egad! Sandra! It says you're a jazz lover! Say it's not so!"

Joke #10 - Of course, Mrs. Schrodinger's blood wouldn't actually be of one type or another until the box was opened...

[Commenter jokes will be added to the post.   -Mgmt.]

9/12/17

The Engine


Get the shirt? Get the shirt!